That there’s no longer keenness and scholarly sense in university education is no news. It’s also not news that key among the fuels driving former high school students through the university system of education is a burgeoning sexual appetite.
Yaani! Comrades are competing rabbits in having sex. Sex (to us), like farting or yawning, has become an impulse action to be actively acted upon. And unless you are a heifer or a cow — whose parents took to university for the sole purpose of being inseminated, girl, you have no reason — high on weed or hanjam — to spread those knees and do bad manners in your hostel room.
See Also: University student duped, beaten up by Mpesa agent
A year ago, before moving out of campus student residence, I shared a room with four jamaas. One we named The Butcher because he ‘ate’ his ‘meat’ raw. And like a butcher, our room was his personal butchery, where he’d slice, hack and cut different types of meat daily.
We’d leave him in the room at around 10pm to fetch food and on our way back we’d receive texts informing us that an exile was under way telling us to ‘tulia kiasi nikule hii kitu’. He’d do that and to an extent of importing a bird from a Mombasa University to the Diaspora Republic of Rongai and proceed to tap the young thing on the lower decker as I struggled not to mute out the sounds of Sodom and Gomorrah from the decker above his.
Morning inevitably arrived, and the bird that was eaten, sorry, ‘butchered’ leaped out of bed in dark tights and an oversized t-shirt before quipping, ‘you said your name is Osanya?’ I nodded. ‘Oh! Sounds leader like,’ she paused. ‘Like Obama, Osanya, Odinga.’ Zero chills. No butting an eyelid.
Unlike KU and Moi Uni which are cosmopolitan (wanafunzi ni wengi sana) centres of learning, my campus is a village where everybody knows about almost everybody.
And when The Butcher and his like strike Bermuda triangles of campus ladies left right and centre, the public knows, and may have butchered the same chick. Or four chicks have toyed with one rod.
It’s a jungle out here, where a pride of lions lustfully roam the plains, and the mantra is strictly: first come, fast served.