Campus beauty pageants or Mr and Miss University fairs are a charade! 

Collins Osanya

 Like student leaders who walk around campus in an air of exaggerated self-importance, unknowingly pretending to be politicians with loads of money, a string of clandes (mostly first years) and the ability to call a press conference, taunt the Vice Chancellor and foolishly proclaim comrade power as the only power that can defeat Kenya power, university beauty pageants are a waste of time, resources, an excuse for organisers to eat student union money and a chance for students to drink their parents money, dance the night away only to wake up in a cloud of hungover wondering how they’ll find 200 shillings to purchase P2 pills. 
Where I school, Mr and Miss MMUK fairs are a ridiculous event for lustful dudes, losers and chicks who have no worthwhile activity as a pastime. There’s less of modelling and more of bosom, thigh and booty showing by lady contestants coupled by taunting of those ladies not considered good looking enough or sufficiently endowed to strut in front of horny and useless 1st, 2nd and 3rd years. It’s always a charade my friends. You should hear and see the fellows shouting and cheering a booty gifted 1st year babe, you’d think they are from Pluto and they don’t own or have never seen buttocks.

On male models, I strongly believe no man, even the Queen of Sheba’s descendant should cat walk in front of anyone let alone his lover if she fancies this type of thing. Imagine your son, a bulky 21 year old rugby player in later day K.U, asking over dinner what you did in campus.  49 year old Ben sips from his glass of water, steals a look at his wife before replying, ‘I was a model son. We’d borrow fancy clothes to catwalk in on the runway.’ What a shame!

I have it on good authority, well researched data complete with diagrams that about 2% models are smart enough to be the face of a university as a Mr or Miss University. No offense intended but when an idiot who owns a big booty or a tall dark and handsome man is chosen as Mr or Miss University then that university consists of idiots.

If winners of these fairs have no defined roles, if their presence can’t be strongly felt and if they can’t be the appropriate face of a university, then let the money used in organising the pageants be channelled in research, purchasing of condoms or buying free keg for serious students like me.

This piece was first published in The Nairobian.