“Do not trust a man without a vice(s)”. That was my two cents to a young lady who thought it was a good idea to ask me for relationship advice. The truth is I’m terrible at relationships and everything that comes with it including advice. The problem is this young lady holds me in high regards and I would hate to be tipped off that pedestal simply for the reason that I could not give out a few tokens of wisdom on how to know one of my own is relationship worthy. I know this house of card will come crashing down some day when she realizes that I’m all glib and no real insight but I’m prepared to stretch this out for as long as I can. That’s why when she asked me what I meant for that I told her that I’ll “app” her that’s what we cool kids call what’s app this days. So while sitting in my room summoning all gods of bullshitting I started to really think about it and it hit me, what’s a man without a vice? Really? Okay, I’ll tell you ladies exactly what I told her.
Every man has a vice, it is important to know the type of depravities your man like engaging in. some its alcohol, some it’s gambling since gambling is the new black, some it’s wandering eyes, some it’s rigid principalities, some it’s hanging out with the boys, some it’s games either watching or playing, some it’s susceptibility to peer pressure, some sycophancy et al. The point is, every man has this thing that will always get your goat. If you see a man without a vice, chances are his vice is the ability to hide his vices. My advice is to avoid such men at all cost. You do not want to be two, three or four years into relationship and then you finally realize that your man’s vice is smelling your dirty panty while you’re in the shower, or he’s into cross dressing, or he suddenly gets this high libido every time he sees that old mama basking on the rooftop, or say someday while experiencing some form of hormonal imbalance you say something curt and he suddenly slaps the living crap out of you kumbe the man was a true son of the soil but you didn’t notice because you decided to practice ostrich politics and live in a bubble of blissful ignorance, or even worse you guys are together for over a year and find out he’s an Arsenal fan then you start wondering if the relationship is really working or he’s just there stoically because years and years of being an Arsenal fan has eroded his perception of relationship trajectory and functionality.
To all those who practice indiscriminate optimism with no caution and would rather live in a bubble of blissful ignorance than march straight to the kitchen and see how the sausage is made, knowing very well that it can spoil their appetite you’re the kind of people any man would like to meet and take full advantage of. However, if you’re one of those aware of the fickle nature of an African man and believes some deficit I trust is good for the soul then here is an counsel for you lady. On the first date do not go asking what is the man’s thought on the recent supreme court decision to nullify the elections result or what is the best wine to pair with a vegetarian four course meal, instead ask him what is his vice, conscious or unconscious. I would have given the same advice to the gentlemen reading this but I’m sure you all have this ladies figured out. If not ask one of them, Lavender, can help you on that front.
Here is the thing though, I’m terrible at relationships. I’m so wet behind my ears about this matter it’s appalling. The few relationships I have been in I adopted the laissez faire policy, therefore it goes without saying that they were relatively short-lived and some ended up quite ugly. While reading it I will greatly urge you to take these opinions with a grain of salt but perhaps just a little bit for the hassle of finding these nuggets of wisdom from a pile of manure you can just give it a little thought. And with these very many words “Cupid” Don wishes to bid you adieu.